flying off le..
hey ppl.. mii flying off tml le... kinda of very happy tat i wont be at home for 12 days... dun need to stay at home.. can be wif all my sch frenz.. erm.. mii juz hate home... hate home... parents are juz so unreasonable...
hey ppl.. mii flying off tml le... kinda of very happy tat i wont be at home for 12 days... dun need to stay at home.. can be wif all my sch frenz.. erm.. mii juz hate home... hate home... parents are juz so unreasonable...
Hiyo... haven't posted for AGES...
Well, FCM camp was really fun camp,... and the camp itself was a foretaste of heaven to come. Really, I enjoyed the fellowship there, and it feels good to be one of the youngest there again, to be the one on the receiving end.. Although that will not last for long, because starting next year, I might have to be taking up leadership positions, and perhaps even a position in the camp committee.
I kinda feel myself being pushed into expectations, since i'm now the second oldest guy in YF, with desmond gone to NS, and with Josh and Emerson in army. Well, while Joshua and Emerson can come back from time to time, that doesn't erase the fact that they will be gone one day. And I just talked to Samuel, from True Life (one of the FCMers) about it... And he gave me a lot of good advice. Well, it's a long time since I was last able to bare my heart out to anyone like this, and it feels so good that he was able to give me appropriate counsel and encouragement.
Well, Definitely, I would wish this YF grows, even amidst these troubling times, into a YF in which the fellowship is this warm. However, one bugging thing is whether we can all keep the YF intact as the younger ones grow to the state of spiritual maturity, or whether by that time, only the most faithful will stay. Well, this situation is already reflected in how often people visit this blog, and even if they do visit, I really question in my heart if they read what others post besides posting their own five-or-six liner post describing school and life and that's it. It certainly pains me to see people reject our Lord and Saviour, but it pains me all the more to see Christians themselves slowly begin to neglect our Lord and Christ.
I tend to compare a lot. Pardon me. But as a younger brother would look to his older brother is how I would our YF look up to FCM.
Well, it disappointed me further... to see a certain brother.. using such hurting words, which were aimed at another. intentionally or unintentionally, he said the sentance not just once, not twice, but many times in that short time frame.. and it totally disgusted me. gone were the days where each conversation became edifying... gone were those good old days.
Now all people talk about is school. School work. boring. can't you guys get any more interesting? I mean, school work is only one tiny portion of the infinity of God's creation. while perhaps an arcane understanding of mathematics in it's form and relevance (not just in understanding how to do A math questions)is the second highest form of knowledge on earth... we must understand that it, along with the third, fourth and all the rest will perish one day.. leaving only the highest form of knowledge. That is the knowledge of God. His word.
I mean... I found the infinity of creation just so astounding. a clear understanding of God's word actually explains many things we see in life. Even quantum physics can find it's small link to God's word. While many quantum physicists deny the existence of God, (they are of all men, fools. you'll see why.)quantum physics shows even more in depth the greatness of God. The foolishness of God is wisdom of men, and yet these foolish physicists still refuse to acknowledge the greatness of God. The arcane mystery surrounding the intelligent design on which this earth is built and run. Physicists over the centuries have taken much time explaining the three dimensions, (thats where our 3d comes from). but the fourth dimension(time) they can barely hope to explain. God but created it (time) with but a sentance. (I believe God could create it without speaking if he wanted to.) All these complex physics, higher schools of learning, the ultimatum of human intelligence we as students can but struggle to grasp.. is the foolishness of God? surely this shows how worthless the work we engage in school is. Why keep harping on it? I think more profitable edifying conversations are.
It's sad that somehow, schoolwork has crept into our fellowship. And somehow, this has led to greater academic competition. i believe that was the reason behind that brother using those hurting words. Where is love in this fellowship?
With all that, insensitivity has crept in too. Few are those who truly care about how the person next to them feel. Few truly enquire; from the number of people who post long posts here.. I guess you can tell (that's a pretty good gauge). gone was the time where people really share their hearts out. Now it's but a few sentances going 'oh.. i'm having exams now. very stressed. ok the end.'. Gone were the times where people went 'oh, you know, God has been so gracious to me over this past week. This happened and yet im stil ok.. blah blah..' so much more indepth into their lives. So much warmer.
i'm feeling really sad to see this fellowship heading this way. in writing this.. I appeal to all who read..... to make an effort to reach out to your fellow man.
I kinda feel i'm fighting this battle alone. Can anyone feel as vividly as me, how spiritually lukewarm this YF has become? yet somehow, in my quest, I have yet to find someone who shares this feeling. Perhaps my shepherd (whom I suspect will be reading this quite soon) is the only one I know about so far who shares this understanding.
I feel that i'm filling a role that i'm not yet mature to fill. Yet if I don't fill this role, nobody would. But yet, i'm not fully mature to fill it. Like, I have always been in the shelter of older bros and siss in Christ. Suddenly, with Lionel and Andy leaving...suddenly i'm the third oldest guy who attends YF regularly. Desmond is hanging around for awhile.. but he'll probably be in YAF soon enough. As will most of hte people who are currently older than me.. Even Li Jin.
I pray that Lionel will come back soon. Jeff too. Andy as well...
I pray that God will give me the strength... the strength to do what I need to.. The strength to make a difference. The maturity too.
Well, this is just a post I'm making, with regards to the casino, and my views to it.. Well, I can't put it up in the today paper like Mr Brown, but I guess I can put it here..
Well, my strong disapproval of the casino comes in five points.
First, the social implications. As we all know, gambling can become a habit, a bane to life. Gambling, especially to Christians, is prohibitied, because of its strong association to the world, and the kind of ruin gambling can bring to your life. I ever tried small scale gambling before, and that little bit of gain that it can bring you could lead you to continue, out of greed of gaining more. Fact is, the probability of gaining overall after a session of gambling is very small. One small win is very poisonous, because no matter how many times you lose after that, you'll still be led to the erroneous thinking that you will gain on overall, and this leads one to borrow money right after they have lost all their money, still foolishly believing that they can win. However, in gambling, the only true winner is the casino. Never any gambler. The lucky gamblers who get the jackpot ultimately spend most of the cash, and when they are almost dry, they will come back to gamble some more, hoping to get another jackpot. This will inevitably break families up as their irresponsible family members gamble, putting the family into financial stress. Mr Brown couldn't have put it more tactfully - to IR is human. (IR stands for integrated resort... while he would pronounce it as 'err' in this case)
Second, the economic implications. Woe unto us! the Government refuses to look at the long term, but only the short term! I just had a conversation with keene, and we both wondered if God would choose to punish this now becoming sinful lion city by means of a tsunami or similar natural disaster. The government only looks at the short term results... for four years.. They can create another 35,000 jobs for four years, and i think about 1000 or less long term (as casino staff, if i'm not mistaken). However, they fail to realise that in Singapore, the only people who gamble are the poor, who will never willingly pay an entrance fee of $100. The poor are the people who are foolishly led by their greed and hope to win through this means. The rich will never come here, because most of them are either too busy making money with calculated risks in the market (the stock market. Most of the gains and losses are at a macro level, so each win and loss implicates a big sum. However, since it's calculated risks, these people already know how to win, and win overall.). Never will these rich people come to the casino. Perhaps,... perhaps for some entertainment, yes. Just perhaps. However, many singaporeans are already in the "against casino" camp in the debate. Just how many of our local rich people would patronise it... I don't know.
Third would be the foriegners. This would be under economic too. I sometimes wonder why foriegners would come out of the way to an out-of-the-way (ok lar.. not so out of the way lar.. Singapore is supposed to be the most accessible country in the region right?) Singapore, just for a teeennyy tiiinnyy casino. Face it. The Government has made a mistake in having the casinos occupy 3% of the total space of the two centres. First mistake they made is thinking that this 3% will make the casinos any less evil (pah.). Second mistake is that... this 3% would make these casinos really puny. Compared to the huge massive casinos in Las Vegas.. Hmm.. those casinos there would be...er.. now.. just how big is Las Vegas? hmm...
Fourth would be the mentality with which the government takes. They think that the 3%of total space and all that counselling and 'measures' put in place to reduce social implications make the casinos less evil. Look; Like Mr Brown said.. They only look at that short term 35,000 jobs. If chewing gum could bring that many jobs, they would immediately unban chewing gum and declare singaporeans mature enough to chew gum (with a little help from the trained social counsellors, of course.).
Fifth.. would definitely because it's wrong. Gambling; Drugs; Drinking; Smoking... All these go together. under one roof. The Bible did not say "thou shalt not gamble" neither did it say "thou shalt not drink". But the implications it brings... bringing one further from God... makes this inherently and absolutely wrong. I am totally and fully against the casino. No way would anyone be able to persuade me otherwise.
There are times.. I just feel jealous at many things. Sometimes I even ask God why HE puts me in such a situation..
In situations like now, sometimes I feel envious. Angry. Why is it, I can't get something I slogged so hard for... yet someone else got it without so much as lifting a finger? Sometimes I feel it so hard to overcome such feelings of jealousy, envy... and even hatred. Sometimes I'm tempted to put it down as sour grapes..
Sigh.. I really feel so lost, so miserable.. In this case, it's very much a matter of pride for me..
Feeling really down now. Battling between what's right and what I want.
